Letter to a Stranger

Dear Frank,
This is going to be a letter within a letter. I want to show you a note I’ve penned to a stranger; however, I won’t be sending it to him because I don’t know his name or address! Here ‘tis:

Dear Stranger:
I’m the one you spoke to so rudely while outside the front gates of my granddaughter’s school. I was hovering in my car (for only a moment) to allow a truck to go around me before backing into a parking space, so Vivienne and I could go inside. 

After seeing the tow-away signs, I had second thoughts and decided to find another spot instead. As I pulled up a few spaces, there you were in your parked car (a bright purple, super-cool, off-road vehicle, with you at the wheel: an obviously super-cool dude). I saw you look at me in your rearview mirror, throw up your hands, roll your eyes, and shake your head in so much disgust. So much.  

Intrigued by the dramatic reaction to my nixing a parking space, I pulled alongside you, rolled down my window, asking if it was okay to park in that row momentarily. (Engage this curiously ticked-off guy, I thought to myself). 🤓

Then came your very loud outburst, throwing your hands in the air and telling me to “GET OFF THE ROAD, LADY!” I replied that I was unsure of what might be a tow-away area. Once again, glaringly and through clenched jaw, you loudly barked, “JUST GET OFF THE ROAD!!” With that reaction, I looked over my shoulder with furrowed brow, fully expecting to see what you must be seeing: 😳 cars lined up down the street, waiting with frustration to get around me. But alas, there were no cars in sight. 🤔

I pulled up and parked, got cute little ponytailed Vivi out, and we walked to her classroom, with her flitting up the steps in her new plaid uniform. Along the way, I observed that your demeanor changed dramatically when you met a teacher at the gate to hand her an article of clothing perhaps forgotten by your child. You were all smiles with her and quite the charmer, I noticed. (So many thoughts come to mind when processing your about-face). 

All this to say that you may need some encouragement or motivation to do better today. If you are worried about getting ahead at work or if you’re in the midst of a difficult relationship, or feeling a lack of power — whatever drives you to mishandle yourself like you did with me — I’d like to offer you this. Your success in life will increase tremendously if you treat those around you with dignity, kindness and respect. No matter the situation, this recipe will inure to your benefit. I see this from my grown children as they interact with others, and it’s true: The more good you cast out into the waters of life, the more good you’ll receive back, filling your net to the brim. It’s as simple as that.

You know, stranger, the success I’m referring to isn’t necessarily about career success or monetary gain, although those can benefit, too. There is an inner success you can claim. You want that, don’t you? I do! 

A book that has been on my bedside table quite a while (because I love what it offers) is called Dignity by Donna Hicks, Ph.D. with foreword by Bishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu. Here’s a link if you’re interested in getting it for yourself.  https://drdonnahicks.com/

Her model teaches “an appreciation of what we are all up against as human beings in our search for dignity. We learn how to honor it in everyday interactions with loved ones as well as strangers, how to maintain our own dignity by fighting the internal forces that tempt us to act badly, and how to resolve conflicts and reconcile with people by recognizing their inherent worth.” 

She says that in the end, the message of this model is quite simple: “demonstrate the care and attention for yourself and others that anything of value deserves. Don’t miss an opportunity to exert the power you have to remind others of who they are: invaluable, priceless, and irreplaceable. Remind yourself, too”.  

Stranger, there it is, that last sentence above: Remind yourself of their value but don’t fail to remind yourself that you, too, are invaluable, priceless, irreplaceable. I’m going to do that myself, especially after THAT experience! 😅

By exploding all over me, you imploded on yourself. In that moment, dadgumit, you robbed yourself of something so valuable – your dignity. But, good news! You can gain it back. Just start afresh tomorrow and commit to maintaining the better pattern. I hope you’ll give it a try. 

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There it is Frank, my letter to a stranger. I feel so much better now that I’ve shared it with you. It was a good reminder.

So, goodnight, my invaluable, priceless and irreplaceable frog! 😘

Love,
Jane

PS. Dr. Hicks has also written Leading with Dignity, where she discusses the need for and benefits of incorporating dignity strategies into the day-to-day functioning of institutions. Please click on this link to learn more about how to bring this valuable tool into your establishment.  https://drdonnahicks.com/books/leading-with-dignity