Hi Frank,

I have to tell you — it’s good that circumstances came together recently for me to spend quite a bit of time alone. It gave me some moments to think about a topic I’ve wanted to mull over:  fear.

Frank, I don’t mean to embarrass you, but we both know that you jump from lilypad to lilypad, all the while worrying that one day you’ll lose your grip and the pad will capsize, taking you with it. But, so far, so good, you know?  Perhaps now is the time to let go of that fear.  

Why would I want to focus on such a negative?  I would, because fear can be fairly pervasive in our lives. It tries to bully its way in, with elbows out, knocking whatever gets in its way, crowding out the good. I think we try to ignore it, looking away, maybe not even aware of the stress it bestows upon us. Perhaps a few methods can be implemented to eradicate or at least address such a nuisance.

Fear doesn’t always appear in life with a dramatic entrance, leaving us sweaty and clammy, heart racing and teeth chattering. Fear can sometimes lurk quietly in the background of one’s mind and heart, smirkingly, copiously winding its way through the day, sort of incognito. In other words, it can downright take residence in us, kicking off its shoes, audaciously making itself right at home within our daily lives.

I have a fear of snakes and I fear that if I eat too many desserts, I’ll gain weight, but the sort of fear I’m talking about is the fear that darkly lodges itself in a crevice of your being, burrowing in like a blood-sucking tick, ready to become your constant companion for days, weeks, even years, if allowed.

It can keep us from realizing our dreams, lounging around inside, wasting our precious time by slyly fomenting emotional conflicts and dilemmas, hindering how we operate. Who wants that?

Fear can sabotage us by feeding the imagination, nurturing worry, and building drama. That’s when fear has you in its grip. What will happen if my car breaks down? What will I do if my child gets sick? What if I screw up at work?  What if I don’t know my life’s path? What if a parent or other loved one dies? What if I don’t handle things well with my partner, a friend or relative?  What if I messed up a relationship in the past? What if someone hurts me or takes advantage of me?  Fear can pull you around by the nose, convincing you of what went wrong or may go wrong.

Interestingly, fear likes to go even further by taking life’s inevitable difficulties, those things we expect, those events that happen in each of our lives (change, sickness, death) and turning them into calamity and catastrophe. What was once an expected, natural turn of events (those we all face at one time or another) can suddenly take on ugly proportions as we allow fear to grow and multiply. The inevitable challenges we face can become wretched and woeful trials that seem insurmountable.

Here’s an interesting thought. What if the thing you fear, in essence, is something that would bring you great joy?  What if fear of defeat is crippling you from taking on a positive, life-changing challenge?  What if the fear of losing a loved one, once overcome, brings you closer to that person than you could have ever imagined? Could it be that battling fear and winning, opens new doors and new discoveries?

Being still and taking a few moments to look inward can potentially loosen that grip as you begin to expose it. Really, it can be a satisfying challenge to look calmly in the face of fear, opening it up, examining it and seeing it for what it is.  How triumphant to face it down.  Touché! 

Truly, it helps (being still and introspective) because fear’s best friend is a frantic mind. Fear’s best moments are when you’re too busy to stop and take a better look.

So, I say:  Be still, my soul. By being still, I can more easily hear wisdom and comfort. Being quiet allows that pragmatic part of oneself to come to the front of the line to be of aid. Being still allows faith and courage to come forth like the strong soldiers they are in your life. Being still gives you resolve. Being still gives you confidence.

Having said all this, I want to back up and say that I believe all manner of life’s difficulties can be analyzed to death, over-intellectualizing them or giving them a quick fix. However, this everyday culprit, fear, is something I feel can potentially (not always) be quelled by giving it some intentional examination — seeing it for what it is.

It would be an interesting experiment to sort of watch for those emotional, stressful moments in your life. Once you capture one, grab it, sit still with it, turn it over and over in your hands and see what you think. Might the root of those difficult emotions and worries be fear-based?

Here’s the cool thing, the one thing we can count on. We can rest in the knowledge that we’ve been fully equipped with what’s needed to manage this unwelcome leech. You can overcome that demon. You disagree?  You think it’s bigger than you?  Listen. You’ve been given the gifts of courage, intelligence, logic, strength, and power. Yes, you. What’s more, your courage can play the biggest role of all in this.

“When we feel threatened, weak, vulnerable, intimidated or terrified, when our first instinctive reaction is to flee — at such times, life is begging the question: Can we find the courage to face and defeat our fear, or will we be defeated by it? Can we call forth what theologian Paul Tillich called our “courage to be”? Or will we cowardly choose instead, as Shakespeare’s Hamlet deliberates, “not to be”?     –Stephen E. Diamond, whose full article is here:  https://bit.ly/2uU2ndm

With God’s help, and by taking the time, you can courageously shine a light on that dark spot –  fear.  By doing so, there’s a good chance it can be shown to the door and given a swift kick to the street.  

The piece ”Be Still My Soul” has beautiful lyrics.  Here, David Archuleta sings it in such a heartfelt way to the members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  

https://youtu.be/pV3DEtJtho8 




So, Frank, when faced with overwhelming fear that the next leap will be your last, stop and sit awhile.  Examine that fear, and through examination, remember that you don’t fall often. Frank, you’ve become an expert at leaping!  And, so what if you do miss? You’ll just take a refreshing dip (which you needed), then pick yourself up and make the leap once more, this time landing smack where you wanted, in the middle of the lilypad in your favorite pond.

Love,

Jane

 

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